Married But Dating: Part 2

Pat Benatar had it right when she sang "Love is a Battlefield." But that was 30 years ago, and she didn't even know the half of it! The terrain of this battlefield is getting more and more difficult to navigate each year.

There used to be just three basic statuses: married, single, and lying-cheating-adulterers. But is it adultery now if your spouse gives you permission?  If there's no lying, is it cheating?

Yesterday, I was doing a little surfing on Tinder, and I came across a picture of a man who was clearly wearing a wedding band in his profile pic. He would have been my type minus the ring - preppy dresser, cute, looked smart. I swiped right (right = like, left = no way) out of morbid curiosity. I expected him to be upfront about his intentions since his ring was visible, and he was. (Actually, that's something I really appreciate about married men. They're so open and easy to talk to. Not pushy or manipulative like a lot of single guys. I really enjoyed our chat!)

Anyway, back to what happened. First, I questioned the ring and if he was still married. He gave me his spiel. This Risque Businessman travels for work and "plays" with other women and couples on his business trips. He's been married for ten years and has four children. Risque says his wife has become asexual (sounds like it's due to some medications) and since he is very sexual, she knows about his escapades. He has been playing on the side for one year now.

He had looked at my profile, which actually states that I'm not into hookups and I don't date married men. (I wonder if Pat Benatar had to state these things up front to men?) He said he figured I wouldn't be interested but asked if I wanted to hook up since I had swiped right on him. I confessed that it was my morbid curiosity that started this, and he was kind enough to let me ask a few questions.

Usually, Risque Businessman prefers hotwife and cuckold couples. If you don't want to know the brief description, then skip to the next paragraph. I did not know what these terms meant, but apparently hotwife is when he and the husband pleasure the wife, making her feel worshipped as a sexual goddess. And cuckold couples are ones where the husbands are submissive and like to watch. He also told me that he had a date with a cuckold couple last night - I did not do any follow up to see how their night went.

I've been noticing more and more of this married but dating phenomenon, and I asked him if there are a lot of people who are open about these preferences. He said there are enough that he can be selective about whom he chooses. And oddly, the smaller areas like here in Omaha, Nebraska have more kinksters than bigger cities like Chicago and D.C. Is this what the Nebraska tourism board had in mind with the new slogan "Nebraska Nice" ????

Risque said he prefers to play with couples versus single women who often get attached. I asked how his wife feels about this, and he compared it to sushi. His wife doesn't like sushi so he has sushi with other friends who enjoy it. Likewise, she doesn't enjoy sex any longer so he has sex with other friends, too.

I can follow the logic, but nobody stands up in front of God and earthly witnesses to say they only want to have sushi with one person until death do they part! Right? I'm not missing out on sushi ceremonies?

He further explained that his wife saw how miserable and moody he was when they weren't having enough sex. Now he's happy most of the time, and they still do other things that she loves together.

Well, that really told me more about him than her. This situation is new, but the attitude is typical man. "I'm happy and since the world revolves around me, she's happy simply because I am."  He said that they almost split up because of their sexual issues so it's clear that she's ignoring his dalliances to hold onto whatever's left of their marriage. It sucks to get divorced, but it must suck a little bit less for the time being to turn a blind eye on her husbands sexcapades.

I could be wrong. Maybe she is not bothered at all that the man who vowed to love her forever is doing raunchy things to strangers in strange cities. I truly hope that they are happy, but my instincts are very rarely wrong.

Moral Of Today's Story:  There's a reason that the phrase "for better or for worse" is included in marriage vows. And for this situation, I'm going to repeat some advice from a Kindergarten class "USE YOUR WORDS!" My personal values aside, I truly believe he's trying to achieve a win-win situation. This man has been very honest and used his words to say what he wanted, but I suspect that his wife is not being honest about her feelings on the matter.