Christians Who Mingle

When I was 18 and ready to get out of the small town I'd outgrown, I went off to college at a Christian university where the females outnumbered the males 3 to 1. Now, many nice young ladies go to Christian universities in pursuit of an MRS degree. (If you're confused about that major, look at the letters again) This dynamic of eager-to-marry, over-populated, young ladies put a lot of pressure on the minority of males on campus. They seemed to live in constant fear of being tricked into marrying one of these MRS majors. Some thought that if they were friendly it might be seen as flirting, while others flirted freely under the guise of "we're just friends." The good news is that there were also many who developed healthy, lasting relationships despite the confusing environment.

Christian dating has a subset of problems and stereotypes unique from the rest of the dating world. One of these problems originated with Joshua Harris, whom I consider to be the bane of Christian relationships. He wrote the infamous book "I Kissed Dating Goodbye." Soon after this book came out, the term "courting" became the height of charismatic fashion. Courting isn't a bad word or idea on it's own. The problem, however, is that It made dating a bad word. 

I've heard a few Christians use the term "non-date." I, personally, think it's insulting if you're somebody's non-date. As if you can't even commit to dating me for one night? Or more likely, you're building in a safety net in case things don't work out. Then there's no perceived risk of humiliation or heartbreak, and you can just tell yourself it was no big deal because we never even dated. 

I ascribe to the "nothing ventured, nothing gained" philosophy. Put yourself out there if you want a real chance!  I also believe in being honest and saying what it is you want. Quit believing all those trite newlyweds who try to tell you that it happened when they finally told God that they were happy being single and they stopped looking all together. People quote those type of sayings so much, you'd think it were Scripture! It's not. And it's also misleading. This is not a magic formula to find your spouse so quit pretending you don't want to find the love of your life! The truth is that if these smug marrieds fell in love with singleness and had no desire to find a spouse, they wouldn't have gotten married. Instead, they would have taken a vow of celibacy. 

Moral of Today's Story: STOP LYING, AND STOP BELIEVING THE LIES! Don't call it a non-date if you want to be in a dating relationship. And for crying out loud, stop pretending that you got married because you finally didn't want to get married!