Just outside the bubble

After college where I lived in a secluded, Christian bubble, I was ready for a serious relationship. I hadn't dated a lot, and unfortunately for me my head was still filled with advice from books like The Rules and When God Writes Your Love Story. The books weren't all terrible, but they left me with a notion in my head that there was always a right and wrong way to do things. I never thought about a right or wrong way to make other relationships like friends, but I thought dating had to be different. 

So when I started dating Nice Guy, I was always censoring myself. I thought I couldn't talk about my feelings if he didn't bring it up first and things like that. I was often quiet around him because I was just thinking about how much I liked him and afraid that he didn't feel the same. We did have some good conversations, but I realize now that I was seeking his approval to validate myself. For example, if he didn't tell me I looked pretty, then I assumed I must look terrible. Then I would feel bad about myself and a little peeved at him.

My friends noticed that I wasn't myself around him before I could put my finger on anything. Even my friend's boyfriend at the time said "Bente seems really quiet around him." 

He was a great guy, but it just didn't play out like I hoped. I still wonder sometimes if things would have been different if I had met him at a different stage when I had more life experience. I doubt it, but I regret that he never got to know the uninhibited version of me. 

Today's Moral Of The Story: Relax and be the real you whomever you're with. And remember that your friends have good insight - They will most likely spot worrisome behavior in your relationship faster than you will!