The Frenchman

When I really like a guy, I always remember what outfit or special accessories I wore with him. The next time I see that blouse or skirt or whatever  hanging in my closet I pull it out and reminisce about what special moments we had. The clothes make me think about the care I took to look nice or how he made me feel pretty just by the way he looked at me. So after I couldn't remember what I wore on my date last week, I knew it wasn't meant to be. 

The Frenchman was admittedly a rebound after the boyfriend I still have not brought myself to blog about. The thing that makes dating a French man so different is that the French culture is inherently romantic. They lavish sweet compliments and would do anything to make you happy, but they do it all before they know much about you. When he would speak honeyed words, I kept thinking, "yeah, I'm great, but you don't know that yet. Calm down!"

For example, when he said he's allergic to dairy, I said I love yogurt and I would have a hard time giving that up. He looked deeply into my eyes and said, "you love yogurt? If I'd known, I would have brought you some." 

"In the middle of a sushi restaurant you would bring me yogurt?" I asked.

With even more tenderness and still looking deep in my eyes he said, "Because you love it." 

Now, this might actually be the sweetest thing anyone has ever wished for me. Thinking that I should have something just because I love it is more than most guys have done for me.

After the Frenchman took me for sushi,  he pulled out a beautiful bouquet of yellow flowers from his car. He had asked me my favorite color earlier that day, which at the time I actually thought was a rather blase conversation topic. When I said I like pink and yellow, he responded "yellow is nice." As if he's disapproving of my other favorite! When I texted him after the date that I was admiring the pretty flowers at home and thanked him again for his thoughtfulness, he stated simply, "yellow is pretty." One of many three word texts from him. 

A lot of our conversation felt like an interview and I could sense how much he wants to find the right woman. He texted me two days after we met and asked what our next step was. Where is our relationship going?? I guess he was wanting affirmation that I was still interested, but it seemed obvious to me that he would either ask me on another date or...not. Is there really any other option??

So after some coaching,we agreed we would go out again and get to know each other better. And he picked a day one week after our first date. Then he said we could decide after our second date whether or not we wanted to be in a relationship. I kept getting the feeling he wanted to get to the bottom line.

We carried on a texting conversation over the next couple days, in which I told him that I was crocheting a pillow for a friend. He was very impressed with my domestic skills! He texted "I want to be in a relationship with you." 

I asked if he wanted to date me because of my crocheting skills. I'm not entirely sure he understood he question, but he said yes. 

I told him I still would like to go on a second date - maybe a third or fourth - before defining our relationship. He agreed...until the next day. 

The next day, he texted me that he felt I was communicating less than a few days ago and if I wasn't really interested I needed to let him know. He went on to say that he didn't want to play games and that he didn't want to drag himself into this relationship just to hit the wall. 

Let me first say that I had been texting detailed accounts of my day to give him a glimpse of who I am and what odd or interesting things I do. While his messages to me were always along the lines of "my day was good." 

So at this point I'm starting to wonder if he's bipolar or if it's common for French people to be so up and down in their emotions. Yesterday he was dying to lock this thing down, and today he's so afraid of being led on that he's demanding I turn him loose now! 

I felt offended that he would suggest I might be playing games, but truthfully I wasn't feeling a strong connection and I probably wasn't replying to him as quickly as someone I was really into. 

Although I told him - and I believe - that it puts too much pressure on both parties to try to figure out everything out after one meeting, after another 24 hours of labored conversation and the fact that I can't remember what I wore on our date, I gave him the definitive statement he was looking for. I didn't want to go on a second date. 

Moral of Today's Story:

I could probably get used to be wooed and romanced, but not if it includes a grown man acting as emotional and insecure as a junior high girl! But next time I like a man enough that I remember what I wore on our date, I'll tell him that I can crochet and see if that clinches the relationship! 

8 Simple Rules To Be My Boyfriend

There are so many things that I, as a woman, assume men know about dating or merely talking to women. I could tell a  one sentence story to a female friend and she immediately knows why I'm upset and the rationale to support my argument. When talking to a boyfriend, I have to lay out all the facts, cite my source, argue my thesis, and then he finally realizes why I'm upset. 

So for any new boyfriend applicants, here are my basic rules and expectations. I cannot claim that other women have the same set of rules for themselves. I cannot claim that this list is all encompassing of my needs. But if you have any qualms about the following, then you need not proceed any further with your application for the position. 

1. Speak my love language.  If you're not familiar with the book The Five Love Languages, pick up a copy and familiarize yourself with the "words of affirmation" chapter as that is my top love language. Love languages are just the way we feel cared for. I need to hear you tell me what you appreciate about me. You're free to choose your own phrasing or vary the compliment. In fact you'll need to vary what you say so it doesn't become trite or routine. Tell me your favorite features of mine. Or tell me how witty and entertaining I am. This goes both ways because I will also be appreciating wonderful and attractive aspects of you! 

2. Always hug or kiss me hello and goodbye. I'm affectionate. Get used to it. If we're with a group of people, you don't have to kiss me in front of them. We're definitely not going to be that gross couple that makes out in front of their friends, but there's a chance we might be that annoyingly cutesy couple that gives little pecks and holds hands all the time.

3. I must hear from you at least once every 24 hours. I know we're both busy, but at a minimum I need a text from you on days I don't see you. I worry about you. And if I have called or texted you, then you need to respond -- preferably within 12 hours, but definitely not more than 24 hours. After 25 hours I will wonder if you've been in an accident, which hospital you're in, if you have a secret double life, how many other women you're seeing, or I will simply be plotting your murder.

4. You need to make definite plans with me. I don't want to sit around wondering if we have a date. I know you think I'm spontaneous and fun and that I always look amazing with no effort, but I need time to get ready. I need to know what I'm wearing, if I'm shaving my legs, if I should eat dinner or if we're getting food. When you tell me specific details like date and time or location, I don't have to wonder if you're blowing me off. I know I'm going to see you again and then I get to look forward to seeing you instead of thinking about how you've broken rule #3 and I need to make your murder look like an accident.

5. Be willing to fight with me.  We're going to disagree about something at some point. You're going to hurt my feelings. I will do things that irritate you. That's just how relationships go, but when these things happen I need you to talk to me. Don't avoid me because I'm mad. That only gives my anger more time to percolate and boil over! And don't push your own feelings down because you don't want to deal with confrontation. I would like to know if I'm doing something that vexes you.

Also, I have been told by men that have seriously pissed me off that they were nervous to talk to me, but it was much easier talking to me than they thought. *References are available only upon request. 

6. Be willing to fight for me. At the beginning or prelude to a relationship there are sometimes problems like schedules, distance, other suitors, fear, or self-doubt. I'm a good catch. Tell me how you feel. Tell me what your afraid of. Fight through the obstacles and at least give "us" a real try. 

7. Hold me when I cry. A lot of guys are frightened by female displays of emotion, but as my boyfriend, you are obligated to care that I'm upset. Also, it's pretty rare for me to cry in front of other people so if you happen to see it you should feel a little honored that I trust you. And if you happen to have caused the tears--the quickest solution is still just to hold me. And then lie to me just this one time and tell me that I'm not an ugly crier.  

8. Do life as well as dates. I want to be romanced and for us to do new, fun things together. But I also want to see you in your natural habitat. I want to spend time with you in the kitchen, on the couch, and other rooms we may visit 😉. I want to go to the symphony with you, and I want to go to the grocery store with you. We need a balance of casual Netflix nights in and nights out on the town. It's really about the pleasure of your company. 

Notice: This is not an all encompassing list. It is subject to additions or change, and once subscribed to official boyfriend status you will receive updates via text or email.