Friday, September 23, 2016

Commitment Phobia 101

I have often been baffled by men who have a fear of commitment. How can you think I'm wonderful but still be afraid of being with me?! Some light was shed on this topic recently when I was discussing with some girlfriends why I don't like to commit to one hair stylist. My hair stylist commitment phobia parallels what I believe are some of the male relationship issues. Below are my thoughts on hair stylists along with the man's explanation or, if you will, the mansplanation of the problem.

1.  I liked what the stylist did with my hair. Had no complaints, but what if someone else can do it even better?
Mansplanation: She's hot, but what if there's someone hotter?! Or in less chauvinistic terms, he may just need to get more experience meeting and dating other women before he's ready to settle down and commit to one woman. 

2.  I've been seeing the same stylist for a while now, but she keeps raising the price every time I go. My haircut isn't changing so why is she charging me more? 
Mansplanation: I've been seeing this girl who seems really fun, but every time we hang out she seems to want more. She keeps talking about meeting the parents, our future and where we're headed, or her expectation of dates is a lot more high maintenance than mine. My desire to hang out and have fun hasn't changed so why is she trying to make this a serious relationship?

3. Not only does my stylist want to charge me $50 for a trim, she also tells me I should come in for a trim every seven weeks! Ain't nobody got time for that! And for that price, my hair shouldn't look exactly the same when I leave.
Mansplanation: Demanding, bossy, time consuming, high maintenance...these are the downside that commitment phobics are seeing when you talk about a relationship.

4. I want to be spontaneous with my hair or go to different stylists for different things. On multiple occasions, I have been out running errands and decided that I need a haircut so I impulsively stopped somewhere. I know a couple locations where I trust whoever would be randomly assigned to me, and I would let them do a cut and color or whatever. Then other times if I need something simple like a basic trim I might even stop somewhere cheap and easy!  
Mansplanation: This one isn't hard to figure out. Sometimes you just don't want to date only one person. You want to call up someone spontaneously to go dancing or booty call the girl you know responds to booty calls -- that would be the cheap and easy parallel here. But just like I wouldn't let just anyone try a new, daring haircut on me, he knows he can't pick up booty-call-chick and take her to a family wedding. That's a job for one of his classy lady friends-except now she's going to read into this and think he's ready to be serious! Never mind, he'll just text his classy lady from the wedding reception because even though he's not ready to bring her there, she's the one he'll think of in that setting. 

Moral of today's story: Even though I have had a hard time committing to one hair stylist, I've also gone to new stylists, gotten a terrible hairstyle and really regretted it. In moments like these, I think of the girls who would never cheat on their hair stylist without a gun held to their heads. And I realize that that's what I'm looking for in a man. Just like the woman who wants to schedule her next cut in advance to make sure she gets in, doesn't mind paying the rising prices because she loves the quality of service, and wouldn't ever imagine shopping around for change. I need the man who doesn't just tolerate the time, energy, and effort it takes to date me, but someone who knows how valuable I am and therefore would never desire to see who else is out there. Here's hoping he exists!