I went with a couple single gal pals, but I arrived first. The front half of the coffee shop was filled with people studying and doing all the various things people do on a rainy Saturday in a coffee shop. The back half was reserved for our event and had numbered tables with two or three people already seated. I checked in with the event coordinators and they gave me a beverage ticket and a name tag with my table number on it. The event was supposed to start in fifteen minutes.The ladies would stay at an assigned table, and then the men would rotate to the next table at the five minute buzzer.
After getting a decaf chai, I looked over at my table and saw that my first companion was already seated. At that moment my phone buzzed. My friends had messaged that they were having parking issues outside- not enough parking spots for a busy day at the coffee shop!
I could already tell I would not be attracted to the flannel clad man at my table. However, my only options were to stand awkwardly against the wall staring longingly at the door for my friends to come in or to sit down like a normal person with any amount of social graces and talk to my first date for more than our allotted five minutes.
He was very nice, but very dull. Things that would take me less than 30 seconds to state would somehow stretch to five minutes of slow paced talking from him. Talking about pets, I had said that I may like to have a dog at some point, but I may wait until I'm not living in an apartment. He then told me in a snail-paced monotone, "if you had a yard, you could put the dog in the yard. And the dog could stay outside in the yard while you're away at work all day, and then when you come home you could take him --or her--inside with you and you could play with the dog in the evenings when you're home after you get off work and you could let him back out into the yard if he needed to potty or you could even go in the yard and play with him outside if you want to."
WAKE UP! (I'm just assuming that a few of you dozed off after that speech.)
"Thank you. That's helpful advice," I said smiling and telling myself he must just be nervous.
Now as I mentioned from the get go, what I thought would be a big advantage of speed dating is that the blind date only has to go on for five minutes. However, due to my arriving fifteen minutes early as we were requested to do, in combination with our delayed start, I ended up spending FORTY MINUTES with Flannel. But for all I know he was just as bored with me.
When Flannel finally rotated to table 2, I met Stocking Hat. Stocking Hat for some reason chose to wear a stocking hat indoors on his seven dates. He was friendly and a decent conversationalist. I found out he has a daughter, he's outdoorsy, and what he does for a living. I never did find out if he had hair. Messy hair? No hair? Why are you wearing a stocking hat, Stocking Hat?! Inquiring minds want to know.
My next date went to the wrong table as he was confused about numerical order. One of the coordinators tapped him on the shoulder and redirected him toward me. I started to say hello when he held out a typing device for me to take. When he sat down with his own, I realized he must be hearing impaired. We typed a conversation of cliche pleasantries. How are you today and such. I thought the advantage of speed dating versus online dating apps would be to meet a new person face to face and converse. Instead we basically texted the worlds dullest conversation. Obviously he had good reason for typing rather than talking, and I commend him for putting himself out there and trying to meet people. His bad grammar, poor spelling, and trite topics, however, were too big of a turn off for me. Mr. Typo got a thumbs down from me as well.
There was one attractive man who came in late, and I enjoyed the view and the conversation with Tardy Boy. We both share a pet peeve of bad grammar, which seemed all the more poignant to me after my date with Mr. Typo. I actually did put Tardy Boy on my favorable list, but it was more like a "right swipe" than a feeling of "yes, he's definitely it."
I met two more men, Redhead Software Guy and Gray Hair Software Guy. They both were pleasant to talk to. I could see myself being friends with them, but not romantic. Gray Hair made me wonder how closely they checked his id. This was supposed to be 30-40 age dating.
Since we had been short a couple men at the beginning of the event,(in fact one man never showed) one of my gal pals went to sit with the other lone female. They made a great connection, and we took her with us to happy hour for a Sex And The City style recap of the evening. (Four women + cocktails + dishing about men = every episode of SATC)
Laughing, commiserating, and dining with these ladies was actually the most enjoyable part of the night. We shared notes-literally, since we were given a note page to keep our suitors straight. We all had pretty similar impressions of the men. We all thought the women looked cute and put together, but most of the men didn't look like they cared much about their own appearance. We speculated about the real age of Gray Hair, and we agreed that Tardy Boy was the best looking.
Moral of today's story:
Your girlfriends will always have your back so don't speed date without a wingman. My girlfriends are so good at it that we adopted one more gal pal from the speed date! Lastly, if at first you don't succeed, try, try again! Remember, there are no bad dates. There are only good dates and good lunch stories!
