Today's topic: don't pretend that I'm a hysterical drama queen in order to avoid the issue of your being an insensitive jerk.
Sometimes when I'm upset because of something a man has done, I tell myself not to over-react. I wait a few minutes, take a few deep breaths, and try to phrase responses in the most calm, unprovoking way. So then it's even more maddening that I've tried to be calm, and I get responses like "I can't talk to you when you're being so negative," "yikes," "your attitude is off putting," or basically anything that blames me for having emotions instead of caring that I'm upset.
This scenario has played out with at least three different relationships of mine. (Bonus points awarded if you can guess from my previous posts which men I'm writing about.)
The problem is ignoring your own part in the cause and effect of my feeling hurt in the first place. If I have misunderstood something and I don't have a reason to be upset, it should be really simple to explain that. But when you get defensive and tell me I'm being too aggressive, passive-aggressive, emotional or whatever fill-in-the-blank word you use, you're avoiding the issue and creating a second one. Now, we've got whatever the first problem is AND I can see now that you don't care about my feelings enough to have a real conversation.
Many people who know me well have told me on various occasions that I am a calm and rational communicator. I don't think of myself as a drama magnet, and my goal in any relationship is clear, constructive communication.
So it feels really unfair to be painted as some hysterical, irrational woman.
All I really want is for you to care when I'm upset. If it was you who were upset and said something short to me, I might tell you that it sounded rude. But I'd also ask you what's wrong. It's how you communicate. It's also how you show that you care about someone.
I'm not a resident of Stepford. I'm not some perfect robot woman who only tells you what you want to hear. I'm a person with feelings just like you. It's not fair for you to act upset but be mad at me if I act upset. Your feelings can't be superior to mine. In fact, if you act like a jerk and your woman still acts like she's in Stepford, I guarantee you that she lacks self esteem and self respect, and you better believe she cries when she's alone.
Moral of Today's Story:
Treat people like you want to be treated. The phrases "what's wrong?" "I'm sorry," or "let's talk about this." are your friends. Be gracious rather than defensive. I guarantee both parties involved will feel happier this way. Douchebaggery is sooo 2014....
