Mr. Checklist

I went on a coffee date recently with a man who was very preoccupied with how many "points" he was getting and how many "boxes on the checklist" he was marking. They were fair questions, and I've been asked similar things before - just maybe a little less so from some others. 

I told him that I used to have a checklist, but I threw it out after I met a few guys who checked all the boxes. On paper, they made perfect sense, but in reality I just didn't feel a spark. Maybe the criteria I'm looking for can't be measured only with paper. (Oh look, an argument against standardized testing. Wait, that's not what this blog is about...)

I literally did have a paper checklist. Some of those so-called "experts" who write dating books have suggested writing lists of what you're looking for in a mate. I even recall writing lists as a group activity in my dorm devotions during my freshman year. (This would, again, be the influence of a confused Christian society. Darn that Joshua Harris!)

While knowing what you must have and what you simply cannot live with in a mate is necessary, there are intangible things that couldn't possibly be written on paper. 

Mr. Checklist was a nice guy although perhaps a little too eager to please. When I turned down his offer for a second date, he asked if I would tell him what he could have done better so he could learn for the next time. I told him he didn't do anything wrong, I just rely on my intuition over lists anymore. There's just a chemistry that you either feel or you don't feel. There's no way to fake it. Good chemistry is an immediate and illogical sense that you already know someone and you are completely comfortable being yourself with him. 

I used to have the philosophy that if I just took more time to get to know someone, then I could perhaps develop feelings of chemistry. I can't. Maybe some people can. But for me, I usually know right off the bat - even if it is sometimes in retrospect when I realize I knew all along. 

Moral Of Today's Story: Use your checklist as a starting point - perhaps even a pre-screening questionnaire. But when you're with him, listen to your instincts. Do you feel illogically and irrevocably connected? Good. That's chemistry. Or in the words of Carrie Bradshaw, it's "the zazazu!"