It's not you, it's me

After a slew of bad dates including Tiny Hand and Señor Gimpy, I met Mr. Romantic. Mr. Romantic said all the right things and did all the right things. He took me on very romantic and well-planned dates.He had all his limbs and didn't even hobble when he walked. He was respectful even while we perused an art gallery with pieces that provoked somewhat inappropriate humor from me. He laughed and loosened up a bit when I cracked the first "that's what she said" joke. The problem was I just didn't like him.

The first sign was that after our first date, I was much more excited about the restaurant than the man. The restaurant we went to had been reviewed by the Food Network and this was my first time there. Afterwards, I told my friends about the truffle risotto before I described Mr. Romantic. It occurred to me that perhaps my priorities were skewed...but on the other hand, good risotto is hard to find.

 On our second date, he took me miniature golfing, then to dinner, then on a scenic stroll around the Lincoln Haymarket where he kissed me just as the sun was setting. It should have been ideal. A date like that with a perfectly timed kiss should have been playing on repeat in my mind, but it wasn't. There were no sparks.

I couldn't figure out why I just wasn't into him, but I thought maybe we just needed time. Maybe I've been on so many bad dates that I'm in shock over being on good dates. Maybe I prefer the drama of jerks and cheaters....No, that's not it.

Well, later that night, he told me about his living situation. He and his ex-fiance had bought a house together, and for some complicated reasons they couldn't sell it at that time. In short, he was still living in the same house as his fiance. He explained that they were more like roommates with their own spaces now, but that was still a big red flag for me.

I cancelled our next date and told him I couldn't see him when he was still entangled with his ex-fiance. Truthfully, I was a little relieved to have a real reason to not see him. And then I realized, that my feelings are real and they are reason enough. I would've come to that conclusion fairly soon anyway, but sometimes you just have to trust your gut in the first place.

Moral Of Today's Story:  Just because someone is nice doesn't mean you have to date them. They might check off all the boxes on your metaphorical list, but it's the intangibles that make you fall in love with someone. You can't rationalize yourself to have feelings for the nice guy, and you can't rationalize yourself out of feelings for that bad boy. But either way, cohabiting with an ex should be a rational reason not to pursue a relationship.