Quit Playing Games With My Heart

I had a discussion with a friend this week about relationship games that men and women play. Apparently, he had been given some advice by a male friend of his who happens to be married that he should play more games, such as playing hard to get. This married man literally told my single friend that he should "treat women like crap, let her know she doesn't mean as much to you as she thinks, and put her in her place!"

How romantic! I hope somebody will put me in my place! I love being treated like I don't matter! 

Now, I have said it before and I will say it again: most people who get married just got lucky enough to find the right person at the right time. Most do not possess greater knowledge or skill than the average single person. Therefore, be aware from whom you are getting your advice. Marital status alone is not a qualifying credential! 

Let's consider some of the common games we play. There's hard to get, making someone jealous, seduction, crying or pouting to get your way (Men, leave this one up to the ladies. It's just better that way), tough guy, monosyllabic and emotionally unavailable, silent treatment, phone chicken (when you wait and see which one of you will give in and call first after a period of silence or a fight).

The thing about these games is that you don't  actually want anyone to know you're playing. It's all about emotional manipulation. But what some of us fail to recognize is that even if you try not to play games, the results are inevitable. 

Women will always get upset and cry about things that are baffling and nonsensical to men. We ladies don't have to try to be sensitive because we were just born sensitive. Likewise, men will very often seem emotionally distant or like they're trying to act aloof. They're not acting! They are aloof, and they don't have the emotional needs that most women have. 

In the 1990's, there were a couple ladies who wrote a best-selling book on this topic called "The Rules." The Rules were everywhere -- on talk shows, in magazines, every college girl working on her MRS degree had a copy! You might even remember it being referred to on episodes of Sex And The City. They went on to write consecuive installments in The Rules series. The latter books talked about the emotional games used to keep their husbands once they found them. One of the authors got divorced during the time they published "The Rules for Marriage: Time-Tested Secrets for Making Your Marriage Work." Isn't that ironic?

(Side note:  The song "Ironic" by Alanis Morissette came out the same year as "The Rules.")

Moral Of Today's Story: In the words of the Backstreet Boys, "quit playing games with my heart!" Emotional manipulation happens as a part of nature. You don't have to add to it with excessive rules, theories and plays. If you're being genuine and communicating respectfully, that's good. If it starts to feel like you're strategizing your emotional takedowns... Then you may want to consider taking up a competitive sport instead.