We're dance partners, if you know what I mean...

Every blind date has some initial awkwardness. You make small talk about how you both know the person who introduced you to each other. You talk about the good food selection at the restaurant at which you've found yourselves. And after the mandatory get-to-know-you's, you hopefully start to feel a camaraderie and conversation flows without the stilted feel of an interview. 

I lived this experience a few days ago when my good friend had to work a 24 hour shift and asked me if I could entertain her longtime friend who was visiting from out of town. We had a nice evening of dinner, swing dancing, and later watched a movie. Now, you might think this sounds like a very romantic first date, but in fact it was not romantic at all. One very important factor was missing: the fact that this new friend is not a man. We are two women who very much like men. (And I know some of you are wondering about The Boss right now. Don't worry, he's still in the picture, but we'll talk more about him another time.)

There seemed to be a little confusion about our preferences, however, when we went dancing. Mary, my new friend/blind date for the evening, loves to swing dance and had already looked up a place we could go that night. She told me on the way there that she might practice the man's dancing part during the lesson to build her skill for when she teaches other people to dance. 

When the lesson began, Mary lined up with the men as there were fewer male dancers than women anyway (typical of most dance lessons). A new male offered to take her spot in the men's line as I was walking to the ladies' line to be across from her. She responded to the man "no thanks, my partner is here." I knew she was referring to me as her dancing partner, but it didn't sound like it in that statement. I should also mention that our choices in attire added to the confusion because I wore a skirt that night and Mary wore shorts and a button down shirt. At that point, it must have seemed to him that I was the girly one and Mary was the butch one. The man looked both Mary and me up and down and said in a voice of understanding, "oh, ok."

After the lesson ended and open dancing began, I got asked to dance several more times than Mary. I guess the men weren't sure if they would get to lead if they asked her. That could be awkward if they don't know the ladies' part. 

After a short while dancing, we decided to go watch a sad movie and cry our eyes out instead. Then I drove Mary back to our friend's house as we acknowledged the similarities of our night to a blind date. 

Moral Of Today's Story: Sometimes people put in a lot of effort towards dating, but they don't make the effort with new friends. Don't save your best socializing just for romantic interests. I started the evening with a stranger, but I ended it with a new friend.

Oh, and if you want to be clear that you're not into women, perhaps you let the men lead the dancing. 

The Interview

First dates have often been compared to job interviews and vice-versa. When you prepare for a job interview, you think of what you want out of the position, expectations, and things you're willing to sacrifice for a great job. When I go on a date, I often think about the same things. Positions-well maybe I don't think about that one on the first date- expectations, and sacrifices I'd be willing to make for a great relationship.

For both occasions,you carefully choose what you'll wear, consider the message the length of your skirt sends, and find the right balance of not too much makeup and not too little. On the interview you hope to look competent, professional, and intelligent. On a date, you hope to look attractive, sexy-but-not-slutty, and again intelligent.

Job interviews and first dates have a long list of similarities when you start to think about it, but hopefully the date is more fun than the interview. For one thing, having a drink is usually not acceptable on an interview but more than fine on a date!

When I met Hair Gel, I was rebounding from Mr. Nice Guy (see previous post). I had a hard time remembering his name even at that time, but I will never forget the scent of his hair gel that so thickly coated his hair. 

I met Hair Gel at Starbucks and he gave me his spiel. He had just finished grad school and was moving to New York in two months to take a job. He was excited about going to New York, but had decided he would like to find a wife with good ol' Midwestern values. His objective then was to find a suitable candidate in the time he was still in Nebraska and then he would like to move her to New York shortly after he was settled, assuming she was ready. Well, no pressure there. 

At the end of our evening, he shook my hand and said he found me very interesting and would like to meet with me again. I barely managed to refrain from calling him "sir" in my reply. I had passed the first test! I'm a nice Nebraska girl with real Midwestern values that transfer to New York.  

The next day, he called and thanked me for our date. He said "I find you attractive and interesting, and I would very much like to take you out again."  I agreed and we went out a couple more times actually. After those couple dates, I ended things for two reasons. 1. I really wasn't over Mr. Nice Guy yet, and 2. I couldn't stand the smell of Hair Gel's hair gel. I felt like I was wrapped in a cloud of it every time I stood near him!

Moral Of Today's Story:  Dating should be a lot more fun than work. While I appreciated some aspects of his business-like demeanor, I personally don't think any good date should end with a hand shake. That's usually how I end dates where I'm not even willing to hug the man. And men, if you want women to get close to you for more than the handshake, make sure you don't overload your hair with smelly gel!